branzino | peter/gwen.} signal fire

[ he breaks his promise to her father but he breaks it carefully. as far as the rest of the world is concerned, they're over. drifted out of each other's lives and he won't even let himself slip back into his old habits, taking her picture on a second's impulse, distantly trailing her. if he makes enemies again, he can't let them know that this girl, this girl is everything. he formed this resolution when he packed up dr. connor's sewer lab, found the destroyed remains of the cameras he'd planted and realized how it was that he'd given himself away. property of peter parker. so he stays out of her way where the world can see except for the casual accidental intrusions that lets them make their plans. notes torn to impossibly small pieces. a scientific calculator dropped as he's walking past her, 4 digits for military time, a geeky joke, i love you in LED. he's swinging his way to tonight's meeting, to the rooftop of her building. (he can't go back into her room just yet; he's brought enough pain to her home.) the city skyscape is nothing but anonymous shadows but he knows where to go. day or night, he knows the shine of her hair. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ in little over a month, gwendolyn stacy had lost three men in her life.

the first was her mentor and idol, dr. curt connors. she had worshiped the man, in the way most girls her age would have worshiped a popular musician or actor. he had been her modern superhero, before she knew what a true superhero looked like, and he had been, in a way, a second father when her real father had been busy protecting lives that weren't his own. shattered now, dr. connors is a shell of the man he'd once been. she had only seen him once after it all, before he had been taken away for good, and the emptiness and sorrow that she saw in his eyes had been enough to make her turn away for good. she didn't need to hear his apologies and remorse after that; she saw more than enough of it in that instant to stay with her for the rest of her life.

the second man was her father. her true father, captain george stacy, a man who had been just as much a father to the city of new york as he had been to her and her brothers. he'd been a good man, a great man, even up until the very end, or so peter had said, only she never really wanted to hear about the end, not yet, so most of the times she had just tuned him out. he was her father, is her father, because your loved ones never truly leave you, or some other bullshit the priest had said during the funeral, and even though it was silly, and romantic, and science and fact and truth tell her that he is gone, no longer of this earth (but part of the earth now) - she wants to believe. wants to think that every sip of every hot cocoa that she has every evening is just a little bit more of her father that she gets to keep.

and the third was peter. peter parker, her not-quite-first-love. her first love had been a boy in freshman year who was too good looking for his own good and the rest of the story is actually so embarrassingly cliche that it makes her cringe just to even think about it. for years, she thought he'd broken her heart, until peter showed her what a real broken heart felt like. she had fallen for him, hard, because she is a smart girl, and if there is ever one cardinal rule about smart girls, it's that smart girls are always incredibly, painfully idiotic when it came to boys. he is a hero, but he isn't flawless, and though she's spent years drowning in her love for science, and science's love for perfection, it's his imperfections that draw her. she doesn't think she can save him, like most teenage girls hope to one day find a man and change him for the better, because he's already doing that himself, without anyone's help, and she knows it's love because all she wants is for the chance to be there to see him do it.

for each of those moments, she had grieved. gone through the seven stages and everything, right as rain, healthy enough not to have to see the family psychiatrist. she'd grieved and mourned and time, like they say, is healing all wounds. love, too, is certainly giving it a shot.

science says there will be a backlash. she had already said her good-byes and made her peace with peter, so it stands to reason that his reappearance in her life will provoke consequences. all she's felt so far, though, is a glimmer of a time in her life when things had been happy. simpler.

the sneaking around is tiring. the elicit meetings make her feel dirty, like they're not only hiding from spider-man's enemies, but from her father, who is too dead to stop them, but too alive in her heart to leave her completely guiltless. she apologizes to him every day, but she is a big girl, daddy, and she can handle this. she will handle this. his sacrifice will not be in vain, because she will live on, but more importantly, she will be happy.

tonight will be simple. her mother is away and her brothers are all at the ages where they've long since stopped caring that they have a sister, and the skies are as empty as the rooptop she now stands in, waiting. there are several college application essays stewing on her computer, but she's pretty sure if she proofreads any more about what makes her so goddamn amazing and perfect for so-and-so college she just might burst. no, tonight will be simple. stress-free. just him and her.

glancing up at the dark sky, she takes a small sip of her hot cocoa, and she waits. ]

[ he's not going to be good for her. he knows this, her father knew this and his aunt refuses to believe it. he's hurt her already, left her to struggle through her grief alone with apologies and absence. he told himself then that it was the right thing to do, the only thing. but peter has a history of stumbling over these choices. chose the wrong thing once, and his uncle died. tried to do better and chose the right thing and captain stacy died. so now he's trying for a compromise and he hopes that whatever toll this secret will exact, he will be the only one to pay to it. for this, he's willing to pay anything. he lives his life on a balancing scale, the daytime life of peter parker, nephew, student and seventeen. the nighttime life of spider-man, crimefighter and criminal. he lives his life on a balancing scale, weighing his present joys with their eventual cost and he can't find it in himself to regret it. tonight he'll be able to go home to aunt may, light in his eyes despite the bruise on his cheek and he'll be able to say honestly good night. the best. he tries not to lie to his aunt may if he can help it and with gwen, these days, he could. and there she is. on the final upswing, he drops on the raised ledge running around the roof. louder than he can usually manage and he could pretend that it's so he wouldn't startle her but it's really because despite everything, there are moments when he still trips on his own eagerness around her, like his whole body freaking stutters (and that's a thing right? full-body jitters, that's a thing he'll swear he's read and okay maybe not in a scientific journal or anything but online and yes, alright. cracked.com) ]

Hey. [ and damn it was that his voice? an octave away from sounding like he's redoing early puberty. ] Wait, let's try that- Hey. Sorry about the voice.

[ how do you greet the girl you love? ]

Result of trying to crack some wise with this mugger. Short version: stray webshot knocked out his hearing aid. And I know the sensible thing to do would have been to give up or learn sign language but being able to take jabs at the criminal element with both my fists and agile sarcasm is my one job perk.

[ peter is pretty sure not that way ]

[ it was endearing, actually. most of what he does is, and she's sure it's not just her bias as a girl hopelessly in love. it's the little things, the way he still fumbles despite having single-handedly saved the city, the way he looks so gosh darn nervous around her even after facing down dangerous criminals night after night. he still looks at her like she might be the most dangerous thing he's ever encountered, and a part of her can't help but feel flattered for that. she'd never hurt him, but it's something of a rush to realize she means enough to him that she potentially could.

it's usually pretty hard to wrap her mind around the idea that peter parker, the amazing spider-man, as the papers have begun to call him, could be so fragile.

and then there are moments like these, when his voice cracks and he vomits out words without directly looking at her that remind her - he's still so amazingly human. (there are other moments, too, when he comes to her beaten and bruised and hurting so much that she feels it too, that she wonders what it would feel like to lose him again - but those moments are the ones she tries not to think about unless she has to, because smart girls are so painfully idiotic sometimes.)

she grins, more at the sight of him than at his words, but they tickle something inside her too, charmed when she really has no reason to be. he's no casanova, that's for sure, but it feels like he still gets right to her without even trying, and how unfair is that? ]

You mean your legions of adoring fans don't even factor?

[ he's a hero now, a true blue bona fide hero and no hero would be complete without his fangirls. gwen isn't the jealous type, but she's apparently the teasing type, and she maybe enjoys flustering peter too much to really help herself. ]

Edited 2012-08-03 13:30 (UTC)

peter/gwen.} signal fire

omg i don't even know what happened i am so sorry for this

and this took forever i'm so sorry

NOT AS FOREVER AS THIS???? omg seppukus